Post traumatic stress

I have heard of this phrase before and I did believe it was a real thing but I have never experienced it. That is until yesterday. If you don't remember back in December I was in a car accident. It was just bad enough to make me jumpy now and again while driving. Yesterday we had a wonderful day spent with friends and family. We drove up to Salt Lake and had a fun lunch and afternoon hanging out with my good friend from high school, Kelsey, for the afternoon. Then we went over to Wheelers Farm and had a birthday party for our nephew Cannon who turned three. The weather was so so all day, turning to light rain at the party. After we went back to Abe's house (Cannon's Dad, Phils brother) and played some games. When we left around 9:00 it was pouring rain. Driving on the freeway in the rain in not one of my favorite thing to do, thankfully Phil was doing the driving. We were just past the point of the mountain and I was starting to tensing up, double checking if everyone was in their seatbelt correctly. Then we hit some sort of pot hole or crack in the road that had filled with water. I lost it! Major flash back came into my head of hitting those other cars, hearing my kids crying and seeing their faces that were so scared. I tensed up so much that I got an instant headache, I also felt like I couldn't breath deep enough. I kept seeing the accident over and over in my head again like the day that it happened with added images of what could happen there with my whole family on the freeway in the rain. The crying came when Phil asked if I was OK, then Parker and Everett asked if I was OK. They were are so sweet with concern. I know I wasn't in that big of an accident but it can really rattle you. We all arrived home save and sound but I was exhausted from the experience. It eased up and almost completely faded away once the rain started to get lighter and all but stop 10 minute later. I do not care to repeat that experience and I do worry about this winter but for now I won't think about it and look forward to summer (if it ever gets here). On a funny note I told Phil that when I am an old lady he is going to have to drive me around because I want to give up on driving sometimes and moments like this speed that thinking up.
On a completely different note last sunday I taught relief society for the first time and really liked it. I was surprised I felt very comfortable asking everyones questions and getting their feed back. There is much to be said about being properly prepared in all ways, materially and spiritually. I received several complements of shock that I had never taught before, one woman said I was born to teach, that threw me. I am grateful for the experience and look forward to the next time, I was only a sub last sunday.

Super hero Simon!

I just have to state my two FAVORITE thing about my three year olds. All of them have had differences. Ranging in degrees of naughtiness and helpfulness. But two things they have all done.
First is the superhero fixation. I love this phase. Simon has had the benefit of having three older brothers go through this already so he has like 12 capes he can choose from and various other super hero pajamas and masks. Simon currently wears a cape every day if not two capes everyday.
The second thing I love is the "I want to be in only my underwear all day" phase. I do help Simon get dressed everyday and it is only a matter of time before he realizes what I have done. There is one thing that Simon does that the others did not do and that is he puts the cloths he was wearing back into his drawer, I know! Crazy right! I am counting my blessings with that one.
Three year olds are the best!

Summer is overdue!

Sitting in the grass, the Sunnis shining! I am eating strawberries with my boys and I am thinking "summer needs to get here". We are in the two week countdown for school to be out and my boys are just a little excited. Until today I wasn't but after sitting there and absorbing the sun and my boys I am looking forward to it.
I love watching my boys look for bugs and worms and have all sorts of fun summer adventures.
With Parker turning 10 I know his "little boy" adventure days are numbered. Hopefully he will hold on to it a little longer since he has little brothers to educate.
Simon is currently showing Calvin the joys that are roly poly bugs. So much fun watching Calvins excitement when the bugs roll in to balls. These guys are so much fun!

I can update from my phone now!!

With the encouragement of my sister-in-law I finally activated my blog writer on my phone. Now I update from my phone;). I apologize in advance for any spelling problems since my phone sometimes has a mind of it's own and I don't alway catch it.
Well, we have been here in Utah for just over a month now. For the first time in my kids life the three older boys have friends that go to church AND are in their class at school AND live in walking distance range. It's a good motivator to get homework done.
Phil has been busy with school and work. He has school ALL day on Monday and Wednesday. Then he works all day Tuesday and Thursday morning. He then has class on Friday morning and spends the rest of the afternoon working on homework. His week is a little crazy and I don't see that changing anytime soon.
I am getting settled. Phils schedule is taking some getting used to and it will change each semester, but such is the life of college. I was called to be on the Relief Society board. I have had this calling several times and I really like it. I was also asked to teach Relief Society this Sunday. I have never done this before I am nervous but I am also excited to do it. Hopefully between these two thing I will get some friends.
I am in love with my house. Very lucky for us considering we found it online and only saw pictures until we moved it. My only complaint would be the street is to busy. We do have a great back yard to make up for it.
So that us what is going on in our lives right now. Two weeks Friday school gets out so we will be playing all day soon.
I think I may like updating from my phone, let's see how long it lasts.

Girlfriends!

As I was driving down the road after a doctor appointment that I apparently forgot got canceled, I was thinking about my up and coming move. I know, I know I move a lot, please don't point it out I am VERY aware of it. Anyway, I was thinking of the friends that I have made in all the cities that I have lived in in the last 10 years. This blog is dedicated to those women who I have met and left, but I still remember them and love them. I have to say that I met a lot of women in the last 10 years but in each city there has been two or three that stand out in the crowd.
When Phil and I and our tiny baby Parker moved from my home state of Utah and ventured to the lands of Portland OR, I was scared. I was leaving my family and living very far away. I quickly became friends with a girl name Lisa Whilhelm. She lived in the same appartment complex and she had a little girl about a year older than Parker. We became partners to work with the activity day girls and we shared a pregnancy of our second children together. Then came Nancy Wise, we quickly hit it off, we both had technology geek husbands so we had a lot in common.
Our little family which consisted of Phil and I and our boys Parker and Everett moved to Las Vegas NV. In my ward I was scooped up in friendship with two wonderful girls Robin Bevel and Jennifer Smith. These girls were so wonderful, Robin and I shared a pregnancy together as well. I have to say that I owe a lot to these to women. I had a very, very hard pregnancy, not in the terms of baby stress or physical anything it was all mental for me. I had a horrible case of post partum depression after my second and in turn got magnified with my third. They called me many times a week and got me out of the house to go to parks and things like that. I have to say that I would have lost my mind quite literally if these two women weren't there to bring some light in.
Now our family was a family of 5 (Parker, Everett, Mason) we moved up to Spokane WA. I was happy to be living by some family in good ole' spokane. In our first weeks of living here I quickly became friends with Gina Shumate. We were the only "young" couple at an adult valentines party and soon realized that we lived a street away from each other. Gina got me into scrapbooking and we had many a girls night doing stamps and having fun. We did preschool with our 4 year olds and I feel she became a true life long time friend of mine.
Life does some crazy things, so our crew (Parker, Everett, Mason, and Simon) moved back to Portland I was able to reconnect with Nancy but Lisa had since moved. I was spotted my two wonderful women and was told I needed to join their all boys club. They were kidding of course but Tara Mansius had 3 boys, and Kate Jefferies had 2 boys then there was me with 4. All the boys were the same ages. There is something to be said about having friends that have all boys as well, there is an understanding that can't be explained unless you are there as well. All three of us shared a pregnancy as well, all due within 5 weeks of each other. Oh what fun we had, of course two of us had boys (Tara, and I) and Kate had a precious angle baby girl, Elsa <3. Sadly Elsa was a still born, I don't know what could draw a few women closer that helping a friend cope with that kind of loss while being pregnant at the same time. I Love those two dearly and my heart aches for them and their boys.
After all those wonderful adventures in Portland our not so little family (Parker, Everett, Mason, Simon AND Calvin) moved Back to Spokane. I was fortunate to reconnect with Gina (love you) again and to rekindle another friend Tracy Mckay. I knew Tracy back from when we lived in Spokane before. We were visiting teaching companions and I really enjoyed her. When we moved back I got assigned to visit teach her. I have to say that she is such an example to me of strength and intelligence. I love her dearly. I am happy to have strengthen our relationship since moving back.
I also should mention the friends that I have known the longest. My two dear friends from high school, who I am still in contact with. Kelsey (Laws) Richards and Rachel (Hammond) Gardner. These two were the best, I sometimes feel I wasn't the best of friend in high school. Kelsey was very involved in volleyball and I didn't attend any of her games (I am truly sorry Kelsey) I should have supported her better then. Kelsey was one of those friends that we though the exact same way about almost everything when we had conversations we were always saying thing like "I know" or "thats what I think". She was just the best and I love her still. We had our first babies a month a part how, fun is that! Then there is Rachel, Oh miss Rachel! We knew how to laugh. We had so many inside jokes that I am sure most people couldn't stand to be around us (again, sorry Kelsey). We could quote movies to make a whole conversation. After high school I actually lived with Rachel for a few months while I was engaged, I'm sure I drove her crazy in my love sick haze, but she was the first one to hug me when I came out of them temple after the wedding and she was there when I had my first kid. Such a great friend Rachel and I love you still. I love talking with these women now after 15+ years of friendship. With moving so much it is nice to talk to someone who knows you really well.
The main thing that all these women have in common is that they have blessed my life. I learned something from each and everyone of them. I saw their strengths and strived to better myself by their examples. I hope they all know how much they mean to me and I pray that we can keep in touch with the new adventures that my family has to look forward to. Thanks to you all who have be there for me and have loved me and helped me be a better me, you are my girls!

Heres to the women I will meet in the future and the friendships that have yet to be!

MOVING AGAIN!!!

I think that the word moving will become a swear word in my house, but yes that is what we are doing again in April. Phil got into BYU and will be studying computer engineering. I am excited for what the future holds and the thought that it will take him 3 years to complete his degree that means I have a guarantee that we WON'T be moving until he is done. AND I might add that that will be the longest we will have lived in any one house. I am not bitter at all so don't get me wrong, just stressed.
We are looking forward to being by my siblings. I haven't lived by my family for almost 10 years (yikes). So this should be really fun. Though I am sad to be leaving Spokane (again) I am really comfortable in my ward with some awesome friends and my kids are adjusting so well with friends and things that it is hard to change that. We will be OK, the boys are good sports about it. When we were telling our kids that dad was going back to school Everett was very adamant about Phil NOT going. I asked him why and he said "I don't want dad to GO to college". Poor kid thought Phil was leaving and we were staying here, we quickly explained what actually was happening and he was fine with that.
So here's to college life (again) with five kids in toe, should be a wonderful journey.

BY THE WAY- Does anybody want a lovable 2 year old male pugle (pug/beagle) named Pugsy. He is nutured and is wonderful with kids and other dogs, house trained, indoor dog, super sweet. It breaks my heart to get rid of him but we can't afford to keep him anymore and it limits EXTREMELY where we can live in Provo.

Waiting Game

Life! There is nothing like life, isn't there.
I have been taking a class through BYU-Idaho in the pathway program and an institute class. It has been wonderful, I am sloooowly getting back into the hang of homework and understanding what the teacher wants me to do. It has been great though, having something to take me out of my mommy box for a little while has been just wonderful.I have made some friends in class and I actually feel like I can contribute with my "life experience" seeing how I am one of the OLDEST people in the class.
I am sure many of you know that we have been it quite the bind financially since Phil left Fox Capital (and before he left). Well, after weeks of contemplating Phil has decided to go back to school full time. He never finished his degree 10 years ago so we figured that now is a good time to go back and get a degree in something that he have a career and enjoy doing. He has applied to BYU where all of his generals are done and we are waiting to hear if he has gotten in. I know he will be and by this summer we will be living in Utah again for a few years while he finishes up his degree. He has decided to go into computer engineering, and anybody that has received help from Phil with their computers know that this is such a great thing for him to go into. I am thrilled beyond thrilled that he is going to be doing this. I know we have some tough times ahead but we have a plan! I am excited to be living by my siblings again for a little time they will be a great support to me with Phil being so busy. Since we will be on a college budget it will be good to see my family while he is in school.
So, YES we will be moving again and YES I am will be sad to leave Spokane but I am so excited about this opportunity for Phil. I am doing what I have always wanted to do, stay home with my kids. Now he is going to get an opportunity to do something he loves. This is so exciting and scary at the same time. Please, keep us in your prayers that he can get into BYU. I don't see why he wouldn't but it would be great for some extra help. Thanks

When It Rains it Pours!

I hope and pray bad things ONLY come in three's. This new phase of life Phil and I are going through is not an easy adjustment but we are doing fine, counting our blessings and so forth. Well when you get a grip on things there is always something that has to slip and makes you have to grip harder so you don't fall on your face. Last friday I was in a car wreck. That sentence sounds so simple but simple it was not. I was heading down the wonderfully snowy icy road on my way to Taco Time for a quick lunch. I had Mason, Simon and Calvin with me. Thankfully I left Parker and Everett home since they NEVER want to buckle their seatbelt to the point of lying to me saying they have when they haven't! Anyway, a truck heading in the opposite direction turns in front of me with not enough space to finish the turn and I slam into him going probably 30 maybe 25 mph. I sent him sliding into another car and I then go on to slam head on to the car that was stopped waiting for the truck to go. I then send him sliding into the car behind him. Five cars in total, four of them have to be towed but thankfully NO ONE was hurt. I believe I got the brunt of the wreck hitting twice in motion. I have never been in a car wreck before and let me tell you I don't want to experience that again. It has been 3 days and I still have the images going through my mind over and over and it is worse while I am driving. Physically I am ok, I am going to the chiropractors tomorrow (I would have gone earlier but it was the new year holiday) I have been having constant headaches and pain between my shoulder blades.
On top of that our refrigerator is not working properly. I think we have that figured out we are trying to defrost it and hopefully that will work.
Then tonight we completely shatter our ceramic stovetop. I had place a #10 can of dried onion on the stove to get it out of my way while I prepare dinner (first mistake. Not having my kitchen cleaned up second mistake or you can flip that because if the kitchen was cleaned up I wouldn't have had to place the can on the stove because there would have been room somewhere else or it would have been put away two days ago when I got it out, grrrr! Sorry, where was I? Oh yes, can on counter. So then I fixed dinner and turned the stove off and apparently I bumped the burner knob the can was on and turned it on high. So we eat dinner and clean up the dinning room and everyone leaves for their various forms of activity. The older boys on the computer and Phil and I and Calvin in the front room. Thank goodness no one was in the kitchen. Next thing we hear is an explosion and what sounds like heavy rain falling. I first thought the kids threw snow and a light bulb again and went running into the kitchen to get the glass before the baby goes in there. What to I find? a smashed stove top with burnt dried onions ALL OVER THE KITCHEN!!! They had hit the ceiling with the really fried and black onions, it look like an ant hill ON MY CEILING! and then the toasty onions were EVERYWHERE! we are going to be cleaning those up for weeks. So now my house smells like burnt onions, all my refrigerator and freezer things are in the garage fridge, and we only have one car. GAAAG! We are all healthy and happy. There has been hardly any fights between our kids. The boys are loving school and doing great at it. Simon and Calvin are the cutest little buddies ever and I have the Best husband who makes me feel like the most beautiful and perfect person on the planet. I know we are tried so we can receive blessing and I know we will and I know Heavenly Father knows my pain and frustrations and he is with me and my family through everything. I am thankful for what I have and what I am going to learn from these test and I know I will not be tried harder that what I can handle. I just hope there is a little break from test until we get these ones figured out :)